"One week left."

I'm shit scared. There's no elegance in that, nothing poetic or moving that can be written to describe it, nothing. Yes I miss you, yes I care so much sometimes it contricts around my throat like a silken scarf that is bound too tightly, yes I cannot breathe with ease. I cannot stay and it burns my eyes and my inverted tears drop into a sunken cavity pulsing with the ache of my loss. I lost my ideal, somewhere out there between this land and the next, over those ebbing waters I kissed my frog prince goodbye and lost my sweet virginity to the needle of painful cynicism. It coats the words in my mouth with a metallic web until they harden and drop out before me like blobs of cold steel. The trouble with living with metal is the chill that it fills you with at the onset of every embrace, every moment.

I cannot go gently into this good night, I cannot cast my heart aside for it continues to rage...rage against the dying of the light.

"And in that sleep what thoughts may come..."

It left me. Natures balm left me. And I was breathing, shallow and quick, and like flashes of blue glass I had visions that outlived the haunting passage of that night. That fearful night.

I will always love you. Always.

The person that lives behind those blue eyes is someone who I am truly fortunate to have been able to meet. I am fortunate to have been given the opportunity to love you for the journey has been surreal.

These wings did not fall to my side when I passed your window, my love.

This night, as I kneel here on this hard surface, I am thanking God with tears for bringing you into my life and most of all...

I want to thank you for loving me in return. Thank you for making me who I am.
Thank you for letting me into your heart. Thank you for being yourself.

I will always remember you with love...and I need you to know that...I need you to know that...before these eyes flicker shut...

Before my heart can beat again.

untitled...

It’s almost like those poems and songs. The ones that blow your mind until you realise that they're all untitled.
What can one make of this blunt honesty? This obvious disintegration? The violent withering and towering heights?
Sometimes one cannot help but wonder what the hell we are all fighting for, and what will come at the end of it.

There are those moments which, although untitled, can mean the world to you...lazy sunshine and rolling hills...yet there are the others which, under the same name, thrash and kick out against every core of your being until you lie, exhausted, in an unattractive bundle on a cold tiled floor.

Yes I felt those knives you pushed into me, I felt them then and I feel them now, I feel them twist and burn as my body quivers with charged emotions. I feel everything and I long for numbness, I long to be free of your treacherous caress. I long to be free of your lies.

You plan my future and like a wild animal hurled into a cage I cry out in desperation and claw at the steel bars.

You stroke me in my cage. You stroke me until my eyelids droop and my voice fades.

I refuse to be untitled.

"Involvement.."

I wish you knew how much I miss you.

I miss the sound of your voice and the echo of your words when I hear them in my head long after you have gone...

I wish I knew what you were doing or how you were feeling, I wish I knew if you still cared... I wish I wasn't so scared of losing you and yet I'm not sure whether I had you at all...

I wish we didn't have to play this game. I wish you weren't so desperate to win.

I wish you were here to hold me and brush your lips against my forehead.

I can still feel you beside me, I can still feel you breathing.

Do you miss me at all?

"Kneeling at your feet.."

When the one thing you're looking for
Is nowhere to be found
And you're back stepping all of your moves
Trying to figure it out
You want to reach out
You want to give in
Your head's wrapped around whats around the next bend
You wish you could find something warm
'Cause you're shivering cold..

It's the first thing you see as you open your eyes,
The last thing you say as you're saying goodbye
Something inside you is crying and driving you on.

If you hadn't found me...Would I have found you?

So long youve been running in circles
'Round whats at stake
But now the times come for your feet to stand still in one place
You want to reach out
You want to give in
Your head's wrapped around what's around the next bend
You wish you could find something warm
'Cause you're shivering cold.

It was your first taste of love...Living upon what you had.
Something inside you is crying and driving you on. (August Rush)

Sitting on the terracotta steps watching the rain drops fall and pool before me...I couldn't help but notice how my dreams resembled those raindrops...falling from the sky and crashing down on to the ground.

Pools of dreams sinking into the ground.

I couldn't help but notice how my tears resembled those raindrops...falling down with my dreams and crashing to the ground.

Fancy a drink? There's ice in the freezer...Nowadays we use our tears to make ice. We freeze them and put them in our drinks.

Nowadays we get drunk with our tears.

"The Question of the New Year"

Tonight the sky above
Reminds me how to love
Walking through wintertime
Where the stars all shine
The angel on the stairs
Will tell you I was there
Under the front porch light
On a mystery night.

I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind?
Would the wind be at my back?
Could I get you off my mind...This time.

The neon lights in bars
And headlights from the cars
Have started a symphony
Surrounding Me
The things I left behind
Have melted in my mind
And now there's a purity
Inside of me.

I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind?
Would the wind be at my back?
Could I get you off my mind
This time.

(August Rush)

"Give me the luxuries in life and I will willingly do without the necessities..."

"I like my coffee black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, and sweet as love..." A luxury or a necessity...or both? One luxury that many people overlook...is beginning the new year with a smile on your face and hope in your heart.

Maybe this year will be different.